Sometimes I feel like Holden Caulfield — I have these negative thoughts and I disregard them. I view people as trash and shitty until someone's talking about them in a bad way, so I sugar coat them and gloss it over as if what they do doesn't affect as much, or as if I never bothered to begin with. I do talk a lot; whenever I'm upset I say what happens, but then I say that it's fine and that it doesn't matter. That's a problem. Holden's problem. I don't know who in this world I'd try to get back to and give their Christmas money back; I'd probably just leave an envelope. I can't handle the embarrassment or shame of ending my life or anything, it'd be too much for me. I don't think I'm afraid of dying or what's after it, and I won't care if its painful either. I just wouldn't want anyone to see me after. I don't know, I'm lost in life and that might be okay, but I just don't know right now.