Feeling deeply is both a gift and a burden. I’ve always been someone who gets attached to things that make me happy even for a short time. Since I was a child, I have always gotten attached to things that made me happy, even for a short time. This could be toys, people, or shows. For example when I was 12 years old, my dad bought me a new pair of shoes. I liked them and wore them a lot. After a while, I bought another pair on my own and started wearing them more often.

One day, my mom was organizing the house and asked if I was still using the shoes my dad had bought. I said “no.” She wanted to throw them out because they looked old and dirty. However, I convinced her to keep them by saying I would start using them again. That was a lie. I just wanted to keep them. Something in my head told me not to throw them away.

The shoes stayed with me for a few more months. They held memories, and even though I didn’t use them anymore, I couldn’t get rid of them. I didn’t exactly know why, maybe because that the shoes were important to me because they protected my feet and were with me all the time when I went outside. They might have just been objects, but to me, they felt like they had a soul in a different form.

Feeling things deeply has always been one of my strengths and comfort. I can’t imagine being myself without it. Because of it, I never take people or moments for granted. Emotions will never be fake, my emotions always feel real, even towards small things like animals, or toys. When I care about someone, I care with my whole heart, I do my best to make that person happy. One time I was walking with my friend, and she saw a bracelet she seemed to want. That place was far from my house, but her birthday was coming up, so I went back later to buy it for her and gave it to her along with her birthday gift. I have always wanted to protect the people I love, and that comes from feeling so strongly about them. I don’t expect any returns from them, I do what I do because of the things they have done to me, such as talking to me, playing games with me and making me feel wanted is enough for me. Maybe these small things are normal for some, but for me it’s enough.

But feeling things deeply can also hurt. Sometimes I hold things or people for longer than I should, like when I couldn’t throw away the shoes, I can’t let go of memories even when they hurt me. For example, I was once texting someone, and they were being cold and dry. It made me feel unwanted, like I had done something wrong. Later, I lost that person almost completely, and it really shattered me. I overthink small actions or words. When I care about someone, it feels like I give them a part of me, so losing them or being ignored hurts more than I can explain. My emotions get too much sometimes, and there are times I wish I could stop caring so much.

To be an individual who feels everything deeply is a nice feeling but also causes pain. Sometimes you know what is right to do, but memories hold you back, even from doing the right thing. Sometimes we have to let things go, not because we stopped caring, but because it is better for us. Letting go doesn’t mean forgetting, it means remembering and knowing you let go for your growth. It hurts, but as humans we should feel this to value our happiness and balance our lives.

So is it a curse or a blessing? Maybe it’s both, and maybe that’s okay, that’s how it’s perfect to me.